you will never be replaced

he left me very long le

2009-01-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

it have been a month plus ever since jerel left.. and it is time to close this blog le. My memories with him should just end here and i have already forgotten him.. Past memories would be nice, bud too bad, we cant go back to the past bud move on..

this period of time, i learn how to be more independent and also enjoyed being single.. loving my fellow friends and sister who are there for me and accompany me to walk tis difficult time. i really appreciate the things they done for me.. thank you..

2008-12-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

hmm.. just done my op in the afternoon.. feeling dizzy now.. so wouldn really talk much at all.. i felt happy that i m fine.. feeling afraid before the op bud now ok le.. cos got friends support ma.. before the op, i talked to li zhia and after the op, he is the first one who know i m out from the op.. i called him when i was just outside the operating theatre while waiting for the nurses to wheel me back to the ward.. after that, i called cassandra and she also know that i called li zhia first and i think she knew it le ba?? hahas.. back to the ward, the nurses return me my implant and i took a photo of it.. EEE!! so big!! hahas..

I have also took a photo of myself a two days ago and i felt sad when i shown it to my mum, and she cant recognize me.. sad.. really dun look like me mehx?? i dun think so lo.. i dun think there is any different.

hmm.. now let me show you pictures before the op and the screws in my leg..

my leg was wrapped like a pig leg like that.. swelling!!

what is happening the past few day

2008-12-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

hmm.. time passed so fast, jerel left me for about one week 3days le.. still coping with the hurt that he left.. bud it is ok.. feeling better each day.. i have been with tian ling, cassandra, germaine, shi kai, han, kai xiang, shi kai's friend (i dunno the name) together go out. we went to watch movie on sat. we watch the twilight.. so nice.. how i wish my bf is vampire?? To me a vampire is better than a human being.. hahas.. i dunno?? this is what i think..

To me, loving a person doesnt mean that i need to keep the person by my side forever, bud let him have the choice to choose what he want and what he need. if he wanna be with me, i will be with him until the day he say he wanna leave. looking from a far at him so happy, it would warm my heart too. just want the best for him. No matter what happen to him, i would still wish that i would be the one who could accompany him to the very end. missing jerel very much.. bud time will heal everything..

hmm let me show you what happen in the past few days..

me and cassandra at the compass point..

with tian ling at the hotel next to bugis.. so cold!!

i like this dress alot bud very expensive.. it is the new me after jerel left.

this is me in the toilet after makeup.. hahas..

Ever since jerel left, i think i changed alot.. bud my changes are all thanks to jerel.. he is the one who motivated me to change.. thanks jerel..

Love everyone!! miss ya!!

hmm.. what i have planned

2008-12-09T22:33:00.000-08:00

hmm.. life still goes on without jerel around bud i have a group of good friends around and there for me.. Although i know the road ahead is very hard to walk bud i know i can make it to the very end..

I know time can heal the the wound within me and also time can help to solve everything, time also can change a person bud time cant turn back to the past where we had our happy memories.. missing everything when i was with him.. bud i just need time to faster forget about the hurt and move on. It may be difficult bud at least i tried.

i kept on wondering y sad memories couldn be erase easily bud happy memories can? i realise that many people carry grudges than remenber those happy memories we spend together. hmm.. need to read up more about humans brains and there emotion level to answer my question here.. hmm.. now i also dunno how to solve alot of problem bud just hope time can solve everything..

Human psychology is very hard to understand bud i m willing to try and get a deeper understanding about those things.. willing to give it a try in everything.. gettting used to the new life i plan for myself.. adapting to the reality..

Jerel left le

2008-12-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. broke up with jerel on the 6th of december 08. life still goings on, and it is time to adapt myself with the changes.. whatever i done in the past, has been past, bud look forward to my future with my eyes open wide.. hahas..now i only think about my studies.. relationship may come a bit later..

The time with jerel may not be short and may not be long. 8mths together, during this periodof time, i really enjoyed every moment with him. From the day we started off in the hosp until now, i still love him. bud somehow things just cant worked out. cant blame anyone. during a relationship, both parties have given their very best, bud if really not suitable then leave. better for the both parties.

During this period i may have done alot of things for him, bud then it is over le.. probably we both dunno how to cherish each other. bud say all this also too late le.. whatever can be done already done le.. i just have to be strong and move on.. we can still be friend.

Going through so many problems, and troubles together, somehow got a bit cant bear, bud learning along the way to stay strong.. all the best for his future.. i will live better after this de

hmm.. found myself a new job

2008-10-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

hmm.. many things have changed.. the trees in the forest are no longer green.. they have all turned yellow and they would start to fall off the tree. bud somehow the process of the new leaves grow and the tree is green again.. same goes to life.. life is just a process of things that keeps on repeating and repeating again and again.. never ending process..

Sometimes i would ask myself, why is relationship so weird? repaeting the same things that have happened again and again.. you may quarrel today and was mad about each other and also premise that we would never quarrel again.. bud still quarrels still persist.. To me, loving a person is a lifetime promise and i would never let him go alone when he is in time of trouble.. whether he is rich or poor, sickly or healthy, you must still be with him till the end.. When someone get married, the couples would made their wows infront of god, family, relatives and friends. The couples would share their happy moment together and also to the rest of the people who witness the wedding. it is the happiest moment for them.

I simply dun understand why are there people out there who actually abuse the time they have with each other.. Doesnt even cherish their partner's feelings and also hurt them again and again.. i dun understand. i thought loving a person is to give her care, concern, love and protection.. bud some guys failed to do so..

after doing some work as a social worker who deals with some ex-offenders, i realise that there life is so different from us.. they didnt have much love from their family, thats why they turned to be bad. i felt pity for them. Life is so fragile.. one mistake, there wouldn be turning back. i have a real story to share..

*the names here are not their real names*

Fanny and Terence love each other deeply and also they have enjoyed every moment they have with each other.. Although their age gap was a big differences of 12years, bud they still love each other deep down their heart. after dating for about 6mths, fanny found out that she was pregnant with terence baby. Terence was happy bud at the same time he have changed to another person.. Terence restrict fanny from contacting her friends and also doesnt allow fanny to tell any of her friends that she was pregnant. fanny felt depressed. They actually wanted to get married after they have given birth to the baby bud fanny's dad disaprove of this wedding. Fanny felt more troubled and lost. she dun even know what to do..

Under terence's control, fanny is just like a bird who is locked in the cage and cannt fly. Fanny told some friends about her situation and her friends felt worried about her. Terence sometimes would abuse fanny when he is angry and fanny lost alot of blood and almost got a miscarriage. the doctor inform them that the baby may not be normal. the both of them doesnt really care anymore about the baby. fanny really love terence alot bud why terence have turned out to this way. she couldn understand. fanny's parents suggest that after giving birth to the baby, give the baby back to terence and leave him for good..

soon 7mths have passed and also fanny have to give birth to the baby soon, unfortunately, the baby didnt survived. it is pretty sad. Fanny finally left terence for good and start a new life.

the end.

To me, i really pity fanny and really hope she would start a new life.

so long never post my blog le

2008-08-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

hmmx.. it have been a long time ever since i post my blog. Have been busy with my job and currently i am no longer working anymore, looking for a new job. Working life have been tiring for me as i have to concentrate my work during working hours and then i also have to do alot of computer works too. Many people have been telling me that working in the office have alot of politics, but i didnt believe what they have said until i have actually seen it myself. A little mistakes you have done, can also caused the boss to have a reason to sack you. It is terrible working in an office.

Usually after work, i would meet my dear dear at toa payoh stadium and accompany him to run. It may be tiring to do this everyday, but i do it is because i know my dear dear have to do his IPPT test soon , so must start training up his stamina. Whenever i see my dear dear run, i felt sad. I felt sad is because i am unable to run with him due to my knee operation 4mths ago, cant really give so much pressure on that leg at the moment. As my leg regaining back its strength, i have told myself that i must train my leg well so that i could faster accompany my dear to run on the track together. Looking forward to that day.

Yesterday my dear dear have brought me to his company's BBQ at east coast park. i felt very shy facing his collegues as i am so much younger than them. They are all pretty nice people to makes with. All so hyper, bubbly and also caring towards everyone around. It is pretty good to have such collegues around who would care and also help when you have trouble. I really envy my dear dear to have such a bunch of friendly collegues around.

My relationship with my dear dear can saying is stable now. We have worked some plans for our future and i believe we would make it. We believe that we can solve all the problems together and we can also work towards our future together too. Thinking back on my past few relationships, i think my current partner have actually changed and taught me alot of things. I have now changed for a better person and the credits should go to him. To me, now i actually have learned how to think positively and also brightly. I could still remenber i was so childish in my past few relationships and also have made alot of silly, nonsense and stupid mistakes. I have regreted now for making those back time. I know that it would never too late to change for the better as everyone would always have the chance to change.

My dear dear loves gaming alot and i have gone gaming with him quite a number of times. But sad to say, i have always lost to him. He is so good in gaming wheras i m picking up now. After playing so many types of games with him, i think i like the command and conquer the most. It is fun, exciting and also challenging. You have to build up your own troops and machine to fight against your enemy. To me, i think this game is worth playing as you get to use your brain to think. I m going to crack my brain and need to fight my dear dear. hahas. And this time, it would be the time where he would be defeated under my hands!! MUHAHAS..

have a great time today

2008-07-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

hmm.. i have enjoyed myself very much with my dear dear today.. and i have seen his parents too.. so scary!! cos i have always no courage to meet them then now we finally met up le.. first time seeing his parents may feel a little scared bud i find that his parents are all very nice people and easy going. they are perfectly alright with me.

we have alot of fun today at his house, bud most of the time, i m sleeping.. and also i have help dear dear to iron his office shirts today. quite enjoyable.. hahas.. and i have been playing with dear dear the whole day and seems tired already..

in the late afternoon, we have decided to head to bugis to shop for some stuff.. so we have taken a bus to novena mrt station and then take a train to bugis.. in the train, we have took some photos.. i dunno y i love taking photo with dear dear and i find him quite good looking and cute in all the pictures that we have taken.. I felt weird in the mrt becos there is this stupidd guy keep on staring at my boobs.. YUCK!! HE MUST BE A PERVERT!! and i have tell my dear dear about this too.. and he have also notice this guy.. so we quickly got off the train at bugis.

I didnt expect to see my good friend jinzi and his boyfriend at the bugis mrt station.. we chat a while and moved on to the shop fancl and saw shumin's sister there. she is one of the store asst. hmm.. wondering today is what day?? so many coincidence.. hahas.. dear dear brought some slimming pills and also some calories limit pills too and have spend about 100 plus bucks there.. OMG!! so much.. bud then he got alot of free gifts also.. so can also say worth it lor..

after buying those things, we have gone to the opposite side to eat duck rice.. it is very nice and there are alot of people there too.. bud to me, i find it a little salty.. overall it is nice. after dinner we carry on shopping for other stuff in the bugis junction.

there is a long stretch of food fair there and we see here see there seeing what different food they have.. ended up dear dear brought the BBQ sotong.. i dun find it nice maybe is becos of the fishy smell around.. bud dear dear like it very much, dunno why???

we also shop around for slipper bud didnt really saw any that he like.. and we have also tried the bugis street.. also cant find anything nice.. and it is getting late so we went home le...

i miss dear dear.. hope to see him everyday..

with love,
huiimiin

Dear dear come back le

2008-07-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

YEAH!! dear dear come back from macau le.. so happy!! He message me about 12 plus today and was telling me that he is on his way to the HongKong airport.. I felt so happy and at the same time i felt sad.. cos dear dear is nt happy.. he felt disappointed about this company trip.. and he have asked me if i m free to pick him up at the airport.. OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO!!! BECOS HE IS MY DEAR LEHX!! yupp.. i missed him so much and for the past few days my life was meaningless without him around.. this is when i know that i rely on him too much already and i must learn to be independent.. when i tell my dear that i would wanna be independant, he said that sometimes it is actually good nt to be independant.. hmm still thinking y is this so.. bud i somehow know what is he trying to say..

During this few days i actually thought alot.. alot of things i have learned to understand and it helps in changing myself for the better.. i wanna changed to the girl that my dear dear like.. nt the girl i like myself.. i dun wanna be so selfish.. we need two hands to clap. if i insist on following my own way and the other party dun like it how?? that is the problem.. bud i now changed to this me.. i think i liked it becos i tend to learn to be more matured and understanding.. i would strived harder and work towards my goal!!

I now then i realise that sometimes i may tend to left out alot of things and have caused many problems to happen.. i have learn to think smarter and also think more for others.. I wanna quit my job the reason is i really dun like the politics in my company and i m really tired.. hardly have time for my bf, hardly have time to train my leg muscles and also hardly have time to rest.. working now have its advantages and disadvantages.. the advantages is actually let me see through how is the working life in an office and also understand what is dear dear going through when working.. and the disadvantages as i have said earlier on.. putting all this in consideration.. i haven come out with an conclusion.. haiz.. thinking hard about all this..

Hmm.. it was very nice of dear dear to buy a present for me in macau.. i actually dun wanna him to spend so much money on me in this trip cos i know he have spend alot le.. example the confirmation dinner have already cost a bomb!! so i didnt expect him to buy.. hmm.. he have brought a perfume for me and it is too nice and i dun bear to use it.. it is too nice le..

I know that my feelings for my dear dear grew more each day bud i m afraid that i would get hurt in this relationship.. looking back at what happen in this 3 mths what i could say is i would try to mend the wound in my dear dear heart.. i dun wan his past experience to affect our current relationship..

with love,

huiimiin

another day passed le..

2008-07-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

hmm.. another day have passed le.. tml dear dear coming back le.. i felt very happy.. i wonder is he happy a nt.. bud so sad, i m nt going to the airpot to pick him up becos he say after his plane landed he would take a cab home.. i believe he must be very tired.. i missed him lots.. bud no choice, have to wait until tml.. i simply couldn wait anymore..

today time passed pretty fast for me.. I went out about 4pm today headed to ah gong hse and play mahjong.. i believe this is the only way where time would pass faster... bud when i reached there, tian qin was telling me that lydia is angry with her over some stuff.. to me, i find that lydia have changed alot.. actually in the actual fact all of us have changed.. some have changed for the better, and some have changed for the worst.. no one is perfect.. bud to me, lydia is actually changing from bad to worst.. i dunno y?? To me i find that she sometimes dun understand what we are going through.. we are all different from her.. she comes from a rich family, have alot of good stuff that we cant have.. even though her grades are nt very good,bud her aunt still let her study private O and even private A levels which either me nor tian qin could have.. Bud she doesnt seems to me that she is happy and grateful about it.. yes she have tried her very best in her studying bud to me she isnt happy about the arrangement that her aunt have made for her.. probably we outsider would feel that she is very fortunate, bud behind the scene she is nt fortunate at all as she have suffered alot of stress and pressure from her aunt.. bud everything is just fine becos i think some humans worked better under stress.. nt very sure if many of you would agree with me a nt..

sometimes i find that lydia have some attitude problem and would never care about others.. nt very sure izzit becos of her family background.. although i know lydia very long le, bud i find that she is an emo kid.. always living in her own world and have her own imagination and sometimes she would simply scares her friends off.. bud she isnt aware of all this stuff..

I dun wan the gang of four to fall out over small issues.. i would only pray hard that everything would be fine and turned for the better and no more quarrels please..living in harmony is the best..

After being through so much with my dear, i tend to learn nt to be self centered le.. and i think i need to changed for the better.. i really wanna thank my dear for being there for me and give me so much support. i would continue trying my very best to changed for the better de.. I LOVE YOU DEAR..

with love,
huiimiin

dear dear left for macau today..

2008-07-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. today is the first day that dear dear left of macau. He left in the morning about 8.30am. I missed him very much. But he is now overseas.. Kept on wondering what is he doing.. Missing him the whole day. And time passed pretty slow for me.. So slow.. Kept on looking at the time and hope that the time would actually passed faster to Monday tend dear dear would be back..

The whole day I have been looking at the clock, watching my hongkong series… staring into thin air.. Until about 3 plus, I then went to tampines mall to meet Winnie the pooh and his friend.. We went shopping around.. I thought maybe shopping can make me kill time.. Bud I was wrong.. Time still passed so slow.. y time passed so slow?? Maybe happiness moment just come and go quickly bud sad moment just linger around and passed slowly.. I have been thinking about dear dear the whole day.. wondering how is he now.. got eat medication on time a not?? Is he tired a not?? I m very worried about him.. He is not feeling very well this few days and now he is overseas..

I went for the wholivesnearyou outing today bud didn’t manage to watch a movie with them becos the movie is too late.. The movie is starting at about 12.30am and it would end about 3am??? So I intend to give it a pass.. During the outing I got to know a lot of new friends around and I have enjoyed myself with them, cos they are really very friendly and nice people.. Many of them are around the age of 17- 24 the oldest. Yupp.. I had a great time with them and it soon is time for me to go.

On the way going back, I felt grateful becos there is two so-called “guardian angels” see me home. I felt safed.. bud poor Winnie the pooh, he have to go back to e-hub all alone..

Overall of today I can only say, I can imagine how is my days like without dear dear around.. Time would passed pretty slow and sadness would comes and keep me accompany.. Waiting for my dear dear return from macau.. I miss him..

Wrote with sadness,
huiimiin

I have many memories about the past

2008-07-07T05:06:00.000-07:00

Today i have to go back to SGH for my medical follow-up checkup. before i go for the checkup i m pretty afraid and at the same time looking forward to it. When i reach outram MRT station, it was raining.. i was afraid that i would trip and fall. I dun wanna fall down cos if i fall down i would fracture my leg. I dun wish that would happen to me.

I was suppose to take the shuttle bus to SGH bud looking at the queue, i dont wanna take the shuttle bus. So i walked to SGH block 9 then go up the lift and walk into the SGH slowly.. taking my own sweet time becos i m still early. When i was walking towards my clinic, i passed by block 7. I remenbered it deeply inside and i could remenber that during my stay in the hospital, my dear dear never failed coming down to the hospital to look after me and at the same time accompany me until quite late. He was really a rare guy who would actually do all this to a girl. when i was walking along the way, i would always remenber that i would always accompany my dear down to the foodcourt to have his dinner. And after his dinner we would always go to the CHEERS to get some stuff like my favourite CHOCOLATE!! OH MY FAVOURITE!! bud then dear dear would always scold me for eating so ouch chocolate and he would ban me from eating it sometimes. sob sob. And i would always remenber that whenever he is pushing me on the wheelchair, he would always say me is too heavy and would always cause friction to the wheelchair.. SOB SOB!! SO BAD SAY ME HEAVY!! hahas..

While walking i was also thinking, i have owe my dear too much.. He have put in so much effort in the relationship bud me sometimes so naughty, always, make him angry and have caused quite a number of white hair.. hahas..

As times go by, i have learn to stay strong and changing my attitude towards the better. I hope that i could give dear dear whatever i can give. I hope that he would be happy. I dun wan dear dear to be stressed, sad, angry and disappointed. Everyday i would always hope that i could see him everyday, share my day with him, and he would share his day with me. Sometimes i felt that we think alike, bud in some ways we think differently and that is normal. hahas..

After my checkup, I went to meet my dear dear and we have gone together to meet up tian qin and weilong for our couple date and movie. Before catching a movie, we went to the cuppage to eat the wanton mee which used to be at hereen. bud they have moved to the cuppage. I like the wanton mee there is becos it is nice and value for money. At the cuppage there is also a shop selling halal cooked food, and they are famous about the fried beef hor fun and wet beef hor fun. i used to go there to eat quite often when i was working at GETHIN JONES. hmm.. miss the food.. Bud too bad.. i m on diet now so have to cut down on all this fatty food.. i have to slim down.. that is my aim for now..

We went for our movie at the cinileisure, The Cathy. We watched "HANCOCK" . one day before we decided to watch the movie, i have said the word wrongly and said it as "HARDCOCK".. AWW!! those three people are laughing at me.. So MA LU!! ever since i have said the word wrongly they have been teasing me all the way, and never stop.. sad sad.. Bud overall the movie is nice and interesting. I enjoyed myself in the movie as it is full of laughter..

I have enjoyed myself very much today bud the sad thing about today is i have injured my dear dear finger.. OH OH.. and he is in pain.. sad.. I M SORRY!!

wrote it with love,
huiimiin

i love you for who you are

2008-07-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. what a long time never write my blog le.. this few days happen alot of things.. and i have realise that many things would happen the way i want it to be..

I have always thought that relationship is having a great time with someone you love and be there for him when he need you.. bud sometimes, it wasnt the way i thought.. Many relationship is nt like this.. i find that some of the relationship.. they stead together because of sex.. i dun understand why the guys would think it this way.. I find myslef very fortunate to have a boyfriend who is nt into sex.. Is sex an important thing in relationship?? I dont know.. searching for answer.. if i would meet a guy who is into sex and because of sex he then be with me, i think i would probably break up with him. cause i find that this type of guy is a basttardd.. I pity many girls who have encountered these problems and i would hope that they would stand strong when these problems appear and be brave to make the right decisions..

i have received a message from my friend say that it is a test in looking for soulmate.. the choices are
1. sky
2.Wind
3.rainbow
4.H2O
5.food
6.earth
7.fire

I find it interesting and i replied to my friend my answer is rainbow.. and rainbow represent super manic.. I wonder what is super manic?? looking for this answer.. And i have forward it to my bf too.. we both have the same answer.. RAINBOW!! so happy that we both have the same answer.. hahas.. so tired today and i have slept the whole morning.. hahas.. looking forward to see my bf.. and looking forward for the trip to sentosa..

lurve-lurve
huiimiin

very long never write blog le

2008-06-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

Really feeling very down this few days.. i m really stress up with all the things around me.. jerel doesnt seems to understand what am i going through.. i may miss him badly bud he doesnt seems to know and understand.. i hate the feeling of being alone..

feel like crying it out loud bud i cant.. i dun understand why all my relationship doesnt have a good ending de.. all have hurt me deeply.. i really hope that i could find the right guy for me.. i dun wanna get hurt anymore.. i hate the feeling of getting hurt.. the wounds in my heart doesnt seems to be healing bud then it seems like it is having an infection now.. i really dun wannna continue like this.. why this things are happening to me now.. y is it me who must get hurt everytime..

i m tired... really tired.. i know ending my life is nt a good solution bud i am really stressed up.. i cant stand it anymore.. i find a women in a relationship is like a flower, needed to be watered and sunlight then it will nice.. bud it will never happen to me..

Happy Moments are over..

2008-06-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. the happy moments are over. In just a few days, so many things have happen. i felt very sad and vexed.. i dunno what to do.. why are all the sad and bad things just happen just like that.. I m tired of the things around me. why cant i just live a happy and simple life? is life always so complicated? i dunno..

I have always thought that the world out there is just a simple and nice enviroment to live in.. bud i was wrong about this, as the world is full of cruelty and dangers are everywhere. everywhere you go also will get hurt.. i dun like it..

when can the hurt stops and heal it soon? Needed time alone and heal the wound slowly

Wat a fun day i had..

2008-05-31T06:17:00.001-07:00

hmm today i went out with weilin, my good sister. we went to kallang leisure park and sang k! SO HAPPY!! cos it really had been a long time ever since we both meet up and sang k together.. we have so fun in the room and we went crazy with the songs.. we really enjoyed ourself very much..

I sang my favorite song like "zhi xiang ai ni" , "beautiful girls" , "me love" and last bud nt least "chou nan ren" hahas... I really love singing.. i just cant take my hands off.. hahas..

after singing, we went out with her friend and had supper at chinatown. we eat nasi lemak.. and it is very delicious.. i like it very much.. and i would like to go there again... yeah..

then after that i reach home it is already 11.30pm.. i really enjoy my day very much

hmm.. what a long time never blog le

2008-05-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. time passed pretty fast.. i have been discharged from the hosp for about a month le.. really miss all my friends and shopping too.. I miss the fun we had together and also the laughter in us.. really miss those times..

My leg is getting better each day and i have been walking here and there all the time.. hahas, the taste of walking again is so fun and it is a happy thing to me. during this period of time, i have realise alot of thing. i finally understand how those patient in the hosp who undergo ortho surgery feel. the feeling is terrible. after being through so much i then realise i m so fortunate that i can walk again and i have such caring family members and friends. i also would like to thank god for giving me a good bf like jerel who look after me always.. i know he might be busy with his job and would nt have time for me now, bud it is ok. i understand de..

time really thought me alot of things and i have learnt alot after this op. i will cherish those people around me. I love you people very much.

what a great day outside

2008-05-18T03:42:00.000-07:00

Hmm i have so much fun today.. after staying in the hosp and stayed at home for so long le.. then finally i can go out today.. my dear dear brought me out today and we have watched a movie with tian qin and weilong. yupp.. we went on a couple date.. it is pretty fun and also happy at the same time cos i have nt been seeing tian qin for a very long time le.. so i felt very happy to see her again.

we went to watch the movie " MADE OF HONOUR " it is good and funny show in fact.. i like it so much.. it is quite a comedy and also have alot nt some sexual contents in it.. bud it is a great show to watch.. actually when i arrive at tampines mall, alot of people is looking at me.. hmm... i was think am i the only one who actually carry crutches to shopping centre? hahas.. nt very sure about that.. bud really enjoy myself very much...

after the movie, we went to ah gong hse and played mahjong.. hmm.. very long never play le.. missed it so much.. hahas.. it had been a great day outside with so much fun

time passed really fast

2008-05-13T03:09:00.000-07:00

hmmx, it been a long time ever since i post my blog. I was discharged from the hosp on the 29th of april. Finally can go home le. i felt very happy. I didnt thought that i could go home so fast and it is a good news to me.

Ever since i got home, for the first few days i may have difficulties and have trouble moving around. Bud i took sometime to adapt to the enviroment and also adapt to using crutches to hop about the house. It had been nice to have my dear dear to accompany me everyday. he came my hse almost everyday to look after me. he is a rare guy who would do all this for me. if it were other guys, i dun think they would do all this to a girl. I have never thought that this would happen to me. It is really like in a fairytale story. I would cherish him de.

On the 11th of may is our one month anniversary. he brought me a piglet. I felt very happy and gulity at the same time, cos i am unable to go out and do shopping. bud he is quite understanding. he have tolerated my temper all this while and i really felt that he is a good guy.

yesterday i went back to the hosp to have followup checkup and the doctor says another two more weeks i would be able to walk again. i felt very happy. bud then at the same time, i have come to know a bad news. I cant have a great fall again. cos if i have a great fall again, i would fracture my both legs. that is how serious it would be.

when i break this news to my dear dear, he dun allow me to run, hop and cycle again. cos he is afraid that i would fall down. haiz. i really wanna do all this sports, bud i know that he said all this is for my own good. i can understand.

in the evening, i have managed to talk to edmund and i found out that aden have a new girlfriend le.. hmm.. when i heard this news, i was happy and angry at the same time, cos when i was still in contact with him, he said that he would nt find anymore steads le. bud in the end? he still find one, bud it is ok, it is good for him that he find one. hope that that girl can look after him ba.

after i stopped contacting aden, i have played many guys feelings. I know it is nt right and i still did it. my perception at that point of time is aden have hurt me so much and i have put in so much effort in him, bud what did i get in the end? sufferings? i really dunno what to do, bud play guys feelings. i know that when i was with him, i also gave him alot of problems. he left me is a good choice, and i left him now is also a good choice, cos if i didnt leave him, i would nt have found a good guy like jerel. what i can do now is carry on with my life with jerel and look forward in the future and dun look back as it would only make me feel sad.

IT IS SUNDAY!

2008-04-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today is another day in the hosp.. bud today i felt very happy.. Many happy and funny things happen today.. i have so much fun.. i didnt know that i can bring so much joy to a sad person.. hmm... i didnt realise until today.. hahas

In the afternoon, my mummy came and then she brought me "CHEE CHEONG FUN".. YUMMY!! hahas.. bud then i decided to leave it until dear dear come then we shall eat them together.. hahas...

Lydia came nt long after mummy, and she brought two roll of YAKULT for me.. hahas.. i have asked the nurses to have me put them in the fridge.. hmm.. i wanna share it with my dear dear.. hmm.. see?? i so good.. everything also wanna share with my dear dear.. hahas.. then we chat for quite a long time then my mummy left for home cos she wanna go home rest le.. hahas..

Nt long after mummy left, we went downstairs to buy things and get some fresh air.. hmm... and we went into cheers with the wheelchair.. hmm. i know that it would be abit cramp.. bud it is ok.. hahas.. i brought oreo and chocolate even though i know dear dear dun like me to buy and eat those things.. hahas.. NAUGHTY RITE?? hahas.. bud then i dun think he would be angry de lahx.. hahas..

while we were at the garden, dear dear called me and he told me that he reach le bud then he didnt see me in the ward and ask me wher am i.. i told him that i m at the garden downstairs.. before he came, i told lydia to get prepared to see my HANDSOME DEAR DEAR!! hahas..

when my dear dear arrive, lydia didnt show any expression.. hmm.. so i expect that it is ok.. and then lydia said that i dun look like a patient in the hosp.. i look so hyper active.. and cheerful.. hmm.. i was telling her that the upper part of my body is safe and nth is wrong.. it is just tat the lower part of body.. my left leg!! haiz.. quite sad and regret undergoing the operation..

Around 6, lydia went back home and then me and dear dear went back to the ward and have our dinner and also enjoy our chee cheong fun at the same time.. and also we have been snaking on biscuits, bread and also my favourite CHOCOLATE!!

thinking back that we have actually stead for 16 days le.. hmm, i felt that i have begin to love him more each day, wonder if he also think the same??? hmm.. nt very sure.. bud hope that i would know the answer soon..

finally i confirm can discharge liao

2008-04-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today daddy and mummy went to see doctor andrew tan, my surgeon.. After some discussion, finally they have came out with a conclusion that i can be discharge on tuesday.. I FELT SO HAPPY!!

After staying in the hosp for so long, finally i can go home le.. I CANT WAIT TO BE BACK HOME!! hahas.. I miss my bed and my LOVELY BEAR!! Bud i believe it would be a challenge for me as i would face alot of difficulties at home.. Hmm.. bud it would be terrible.. bud never mind, i hope that my family members would have more patient with my leg and movement.. i dun think they seems to understand my difficulties.. haiz..

Dear Dear came in the afternoon and we have lotts of fun today.. Hmm.. I miss dear dear very much.. bud it is ok.. and we have took lotts of photo, bud then after deleting those nt nice one, only left a few.. bud never mind.. there would be more to come..

I finally can bend my leg!!!

2008-04-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. today is quite a boring day for me as i m like so bored in the ward.. have been in the hosp for so long le.. 2 weeks plus le.. I MISS HOME!! actually i thought i can go home tml, bud it seems to me that i cant go home le.. cos daddy say if at this rate i go home, i cant even really bend my knee and i have problems handling my own daily life.. haiz.. I REALLY HOPE THAT I COULD GO HOME!!

Mummy and Daddy came around 1 plus and also made a fuss in the ward becos until my parents have nt seen the doctor who operate me and he also keep on chasing me home.. haiz.. nt i dun wanna go home.. is just that if i go home now, who is going to take care of me at home? i cant even climb up 4 storey of stairs, bud the doctor said that even an old granny undergo more serious knee operation can climb, why cant i?? when the doctors said all this i was actually thinking.. are you sure that a old woman can actually climb up 4 storey high?? i dun think so.. haiz.. i think an old women must be breathless if she can do so.. the doctor must be crazy about this point.. haiz.. and he said that i have broke the record of this kind of operation.. wadeva..i dun care about all this..

I actually missed jerel, bud i dun think he would know it also.. i dun know how.. i felt that i m adding burden to him and also i cant even walk for another 4 weeks.. i cant give him what he want and need.. i felt very guity.. haiz.. hope he understand y i would do all this.. haiz

Finally the auntie have left..

2008-04-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Today is Mummy's birthday!! so sad, i cant celebrate birthday with her.. hmm.. she is one year older le.. hope she can live longer and can look after me longer.. hahas.. and i hope that her wishes will come true.. and also may she and daddy will love each other forever!!

FINALLY the auntie have left the hosp for home.. that is a good news to everyone as there finally would have PEACE in the ward again.. i know that sound bad.. bud hee hee.. i m just feeling happy.. The nurses are also happy that she left so that they could probably concentrate more on their work and nt her nonsense anymore.. THAT IS A GOOD THING!!! HAHAS!!

Today my aunt and elder sister came today.. And my sis's bf said that i should have my leg changed.. hmm.. LEG CHANGED?? CHANGE TO WHICH TYPE OF LEG?? i wonder.. then she said that her bf said that it should be changed to " Micheal Jackson " leg.. cos it is very fragile and i will be like jelly.. hahas.. bud that is a joke.. i dun wanna change to his leg cos he undergo "PLASTIC SURGERY" before so it is no longer natural.. so i dun wan.. hahas..

After they left, me and my parents went up to the cafe up on 8th floor.. hmm.. finally gt a chance to go up there le.. i went there to eat yong tau hu and tu tu cake.. hahas.. i have always think that tu tu cake is very suitable for me.. cos i always have a tu tu mouth.. hahas...

In the evening, dear came, he is very busy with his work and dun have time for me.. haiz.. i have to learn to be independent bud it seems that he is making my blood pressure very high as he always would make me angry.. haiz.. i dun know if this relationship can work out a nt bud then i have no more confidence in this relationship.. haiz.. bud i was look forward to see him each day..

the Auntie is TERRIBLE!!

2008-04-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today i was so piss with an auntie beside my bed.. she have been making so much noise since morning.. and kept on pressing the call bell none stop as if the nurses are so free to attend to her nonsense every minute.. i have been telling her that the nurses are nt free to attend to her needs at the moment and asked her to please be patient and wait for the nurses to come and attend to her.. dun keep on pressing the call bell.. she dun listen bud in fact keep on doing it non stop.. OMG!! SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!! she just couldn listen.. so piss with her..

Not long after, one of the nurse brought me to bath and she told me that she is actually a "REGULAR CUSTOMER OF THIS WARD". I was shock when i heard that. She always drama and give trouble to the ward whenever she is here. All the nurses and doctors find her irritating, and had probably put her in the black list? hahas.. i dun know..

Bud looking back at her background, i could understand why she come into the hospital. She probably came in becos she have no companion at home and her sons dun visit her often. She is left all alone at home, so she find herself bored at home so she came to the hospital to look for some companion. she is also quite poor thing. I believe she must be also feeling heart-ache at the same time cos she brought up her son until so big then now they didnt even take care of her, she must be feeling very sad bud never tell anyone. Pretty poor thing also.

hmm.. Tml is Mummy birthday le, bud then i m still in the hospital, cant celebrate with her. Just now ah poot called and said that after i return home, we celebrate her birthday together. hmm.. bud too bad, i cant eat any birthday cakes at the moment and that is sad. haiz.

My friends are here!!

2008-04-22T19:34:00.001-07:00

Hmm.. today is a great day for me as i m feeling happy the whole day.. except the times when i have to stopped and scold the patient next to me.. she have been making so much noise and she is nt understanding at all as the nurses are really busy with the work.. cant really stand her..

I have done physiotherapy in the morning and i FINALLY have climb the steps up.. so HAPPY.. although it maybe tough bud then i need to try my very best cos if i dun climb the stairs, i cant go home. I MISS HOME VERY MUCH... I m miss quarrelling with my sister too.. cos we quarrel everyday then will nt feel bored.. and i also miss my pink bear.. haiz.. i wonder how is she at home.. she must be also very bored... too bad, i cant bring her here cos she is too big already.. hahas..

In the afternoon, i was online and peiying told me that she is coming to the hosp to visit me.. I felt so happy and looking forward to her coming.. hahas.. and ruoning would be coming along too.. I miss all my friends so much..

Around 7 plus like that, they have arrived to the ward.. to my SURPRISE, i saw WINNIE!! OMG!! she also gt come.. hahas.. Hmm.. she is a great joker and i didnt expect her to come today to the hosp to visit me.. it is very nice of her to drop by..

After that, we all went downstairs to the food centre to have some food and we sat there the whole day to chit chat.. we have enjoyed ourselves with the food and then we all shared a bowl of MANGO SUNRISE.. that it is very nice..

After eating and chit chatting, we went back to the ward and have more chats.. we were noisy yet fun... hmm... we have alot of things to chat.. hahas.. i think we can chat all day also will nt feel tired.. hahas..

Around 9 plus, they then left cos it is getting late already.. Ruoning haven lessons the next day, peiying have to work the next day and last bud nt least, hmm.. winnie??? I m nt very sure.. hahas..

Overall i have enjoyed myself very much today.. hope that my leg would recover soon and i can go shopping with dear friends again..

today still ok la

2008-04-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today in the morning doctors came and seen me and asked me to go for an ultrasound on my leg, they are afraid that there is infection and blood clot.. cos most of the time i m on the bed.. cant really move around.. i m tired of sitting on the bed and cant walk.. i miss walking.. wonder when then my left leg weakness will be over. haiz.

During the scan, the radiologist is being very gentle to my leg cos my leg swollen like an elephant leg like that, so painful. i kept on asking her if she have detect any abnormalities as i m afraid of undergoing another op again. it is terrible.

After the scan, i was pushed back to the bed and rest there, not long after, the physiotherapyist ask me to go upstairs to do some exercise such as walking with clutches bud with no weight bearing on the left leg.. it is quite a challenge to me even though i have been resting for about 2 weeks. he said that my left leg muscles are nt working very well. I m actually trying my best to make my muscles working. after trying to walk around the room, i have finally tried climbind up the stairs. this is MUCH MORE CHALLENGING becos i need to use alot of effort to hope up the stairs. after for hoping two steps, i felt pain on my leg and the pain is unbearable and tears flow down my cheeks, bud no one understand the pain. i requested of going back to the ward and rest.

After returning back from the rehab room, i felt happy becos i saw daddy and mummy. They came to the hosp to see me. Mummy is working most of the time and she hardly come down to see me and daddy have just suffered a minor stroke during last december and recovering now. so i dun really expect them to come down everyday to visit me. bud it is ok, becos i have my dear, jerel around. He come down everyday to take care for me.

I appreciate what he have done for me. ever since i was admitted in the hosp and then after op the day after, he come down almost everyday to take care of me and during weekends, he would stay overnight in the hosp to pei me. He is a good boyfriend. but he can be sticky at times.. hahas.. everyone say he is handsome.. oh ok.. i felt happy..

so PISS!!

2008-04-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

haiz.. today is quite a boring day for me cos most of the time i m alone.. doing eveything on my own... i wanna be independent.. dun really wanna rely so much on others cos after i go home.. i will be doing most of the things on my own.. haiz..

today in the morning, dear have to go east coast park to exercise.. during that period of time he got message me bud i some how dun really get what he is trying to say.. haiz.. after that he said that he wanna come down hosp.. actually i would wish he would come down.. bud thought twice, he seems to be very tired and sick.. so i really wan him to stay at home and dun come down le.. bud then despite of the pain he had on his chest, he still put the effort and come down le.. i was very touched..

when i see how painful he was and how sick he were, i actually suggest that he should go to the A&E dept to have a check.. bud he refused.. cos he is worried that he would have MC and then those MC he take now would be counted as unpaid leave.. thats why he dun wanna see the doctor.. bud then at the rate that he is going.. i m worried that he cant take it anymore.. i m worried bud he doesnt seems to know bud in fact, he only thinks that i m angry with him.. i m angry becos he dun wanna catch a doctor and get it treated early...

I suddenly felt that our thinking is so different.. can we last?? i really hope that we would last.. bud then he doesnt seems to be understanding me and i somehow dun understand him.. haiz.. i have nth to say about him.. bud just leave him alone.. dun talk to him at the moment would be a better choice.. i dun wanna quarrel with him now.. it will only make the condition worst.. haiz.. i think we dun contact for the time being would be a better choice until we have both cooled down and understand each other first...

we have gone into the relationship too soon.. i really wonder if we should continue a nt.. haiz.. cos i really dun wanna quarrel everyday just like that.. i m tired.. and i also believe, he would be tired too.. haiz

a sad day for me

2008-04-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today the auntie have finally moved to the other ward le.. finally would have some good rest.. haiz.. bud it is ok.. i have my dear dear around to pei me.. he is very good to me.. everyday come down to the hosp to pei me without fail.. i know he love me alot and care for me alot, bud then i felt very guilty cos i cant walk now.. i cant help him with anything, bud add problem to him.. i dunno what to do.. i wanna get well soon bud at the rate that i m going, i dun think so.. i very sad.. i will try my best to recover asap and then i can go shopping with him..

today we have been snacking on chocolate and some food.. YUMMY!! bud then i ate alot of chocolate and dear dear is like nt really happy cos i ate too much and never leave some for him.. and that is pretty sad.. he doesnt have the chance to eat.. hahas..

After snaking, we have been on the bed playing computer games.. we play the game ALIEN SHOOTER.. very fun.. and then we went online to look out for cheat code.. hahas.. so funny.. and dear dear have been playin it the whole day and seems to be like refuse to go home.. hahas.. he left about 9 plus 10pm.. bud i m pretty sad that tml he wouldn be coming down becos he have to go and exercise.. he think that he is fat.. hmm.. oh ok.. i dun really think so as i think that he like that i can actually take him as like my pink bear at hm.. hahas.. so hugable.. I LIKE IT... bud he wanna exercise and keep fit.. so ok.. i would support him to the end..

overall i find that he is a good stead actually.. nth much bad about him.. he is pretty fine.. Hope our relationship would be better and would last long..

My HORRIBLE DAY started with you..

2008-04-18T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hmmxx.. it have been another day in the hospital... today very very tired, bud then cant slp cos there is an auntie next to me.. she have been making noises the whole of last night and then i cant even slp and many other aunties too.. haiz.. so irritated by the noises..

then in the afternoon, i actually wanna get some rest bud i cant becos she has been making noises and complaining of chest pain.. i really hope that she would be transfered to a cardic ward ASAP.. cos i really cant stand her and she make me cant slp at night.. she would always frighten me when she make those frightening sound.. i cant stand her when she keep on shouting for the nurses bud then no nurses wanna attend to her needs... probably she would need a man to shut her up..

i believe she is catching for attention.. bud i dun understand why she come into the hosp for?? is she lonely at home??

she have been shouting becos she is in pain, the doctors have attend to her le bud then she still wan the doctor to come and see her.. as if the doctor only have she one patient only..

I CANT STAND HER ANYMORE.. i actually asked the nurses if they can transfer her out.. she is just beside me and i really cant stand her anymore.. i really wan to have some peaceful rest.. seriously..

hmm.. bud it is ok.. my dear is staying overnight with me today.. so happy.. hmm.. good night.. hope tml would be a better day for me...